openscarf: (Default)

I’ve felt like a writer the last couple weeks. I’ve had about eight articles, a steady stream of assignments for the site, met and talked to a lot of people, wrote and wrote, and have enjoyed it all tremendously.  I think I’m becoming more efficient and faster with organizing notes and getting that first draft written which is the hardest part for me. It’s also saving my sanity. Its ambiguity in action though, is that freelance life? Much of it I like, except for the empty and quiet spaces in-between and not feeling confident there will be more.

 Not being fully employed for so long is wearing me down, not really an earth shattering revelation. I know the feelings are shared by legions right now:  isolation, insecurity, self-doubt and weariness with not spending any money that isn’t vital to survival.

 I read a conversation on FB recently, regarding creativity and creating. Someone wrote that dreams take energy and energy comes from food; no job = no food; no food = no energy; no energy = no dream. So work, eat well and you’ll keep the dream alive. Word.

 When I eat extremely well, a world of hurt recedes; a lot of anxiety and aches and pains dissolve. I’m productive and my head is clear. But, it’s a battle to not cave in, eat or overeat whatever my emotions are whining for. That battle is won or lost in an instant.

 I’m currently in limbo again, that dreaded state. I have things to do, of course. I slept late this morning because I was up late last night finishing an article. Now…yoga, get my car serviced, look for jobs to apply to, clean up, read…that should eat up the day.

openscarf: (Default)
Tomorrow morning I'm registering with a temp agency downtown.  I had to preregister online.  I've emailed my rep a resume, I have to bring a hard copy resume, I had to upload one in text format on their website and then fill in my work experience on their template.  They'll evaluate my skills on excel, word and outlook after I take the tests.  I've done it before.  It. all. seems. lame.  I'm walking but have to dress business casual. 

I'll have to fake my enthusiasm.  I hope I can.

I've been offered a few bucks for my next article.  That's a good step forward.

I'm reading Just Kids by Patti Smith and Julie and Julie by Julie Powell.  I have a writing project I'm just getting started.  I've been walking, running and doing yoga.  Meeting with friends.  Never ever ever bored.

My score on wordwarp is 4380, but I had to move up to 3 minutes.  I couldn't get anywhere past 2900 on 2 minutes.  Immediatly after I went to 3 minutes, my score shot up. 

Two bite chocolate macaroons from Whole Foods.  Worth the splurge. 
openscarf: (Default)
This morning I arrived at EDD--Employment Development Department for "class."  The first 30 minutes, the facilitator checked all our ids, (about 50 of us) showing eligibility to work.  That was tedious.  I answered emails and played wordwarp.  The room still smelled of stale smoke from I dont' know how many years ago.  Was shabby and depressing.  Everyone looked miserable, including me.

They talk about  their program where people can learn basic computing skills, how to write a resume, how to have a successful interview, etc.  They have computers and faxes for people to use.  I wasn't interested in any of that.

Alot of time was spent on how to correctly fill out their archaic form each week.  One wrong check mark and they can hold your money.  She emphasized again and again, anytime we have a question about ANYTHING, to come to their office so we can speak to someone at unemployment.  They're not an unemployment office.  The state office can't handle the volume so the phones are shut down.  The office is moving downtown in a few weeks, so if something happens again, I can take a walk and get it fixed.  Most people were interested in this portion because of the enormous hassle of trying to get the simplest thing corrected.

She scared all of us with the information that the next extension hasn't been passed yet.

It was 2 hours.  Then we signed up for access to the live customer service person, via phone.  There were about 20 people waiting, I was about the 10th.  I had a nice customer service person.  It's hopefully all cleared and I should have my check and new claim forms within 10 days.  If I don't, back I go.

It felt like the freakin Russian Goulags.  All this control and power and inability to adequately serve the masses. 

It was exhausting.  So, I'll update this situation within 10 days. 
openscarf: (Medieval Cat -Fool)

Last night I went to an informational training meeting for a local online newspaper start up.  They've been around only 3 months and have made a good name for themselves.  They need contributors, writers, bloggers and copy editors.  I'm very interested in developing a more journalistic style, they'll help with that, it really excites me.  It's community oriented, socially conscious and new media savvy.  Of course, they built their base on FB.  At this meeting there were film makers, journalists, tech people, musicians and bloggers. I'm so interested to see where this goes.

I'm also looking into tutoring kids.  Apparently tutors are needed as the school budgets get cut more and more.  I'd love to teach reading, comprehension and writing.  Since it's giving directly to the community, I see this as a win-win.  The pay appears to be reasonable with flexible hours. I'd love for this to work out.  I'd really like to be able to cobble a paycheck together  from a few part time sources, keep writing and see what happens.   I'm still sending resumes out for the more traditional stuff, but really want to stay out of the cloth 3 walled world if at all possible or, at a mimimum.  There is time.

And now, after I do some yoga, I'm going to make cookies.  Yum yum yum.   I have a friend coming over tomorrow afternoon, we'll have guacamole, salsa, chips and this:  

 Jalapeno Cocktail Pie

3 to 4 jalapeno peppers, seeded and chopped
1 large onion, finely chopped
1 garlic clove, minced
1 pound sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
6 eggs, beaten

Sprinkle peppers, onion and garlic  in a well-greased 9-inch square pan. Cover with cheese. Pour eggs over cheese. Bake at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes or until firm.

Cool and cut into 1-inch squares.
 

 Very Mexican lady like, eh?

 


detoxing

Jan. 29th, 2010 02:59 pm
openscarf: (girl in grass statue)

3rd day of unemployment.   

I feel completely different. My energy has been concentrated in my crown chakra, my head, my heart.  Everything was pulled up tight-back, shoulders, chest agitated, head bursting.

I can now feel my denseness, my weight in the chair, my feet planted heavily on the floor, everything pulling down. Grounded. My energy feels slower and deeper; its’ concentrated in my belly and root chakra. I feel my shoulders pulling down and down my back. Bliss. I feel my facial muscles letting go, my forehead, and my jaw.  At night when I begin falling asleep, I feel as if I am the bed, the quilt and myself; the bed is really warm earth, I’m on it and in it, being pulled down, one. Memories, images of people and that place fading. I picture a black grease like substance, running in rivulets down and through my body, out into loamy earth to be filtered and purified. As it leaves, there’s more and more room inside for light; room to expand, to breathe, and to relax. 

I catch myself replaying some situations or imagining others, sometimes, but the images and energy are weak, diluted and really easy to stop.

My time is mine, no schedule. Like an island in paradise.  Time can't be wasted. 

I took care of my administrative stuff.  My budget is clear.  My house is in order. I have this gift of a tiny bit of freedom.  I can read, write and think whenever I want. 

I'm thinking.  I'm hoping I come up with something good.  
 


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