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Work unpredictablility continues.  A really good friend got promoted, I'm super happy for her.  A woman who has been here a long long time and has consistently received yearly feedback that she is hard to work with and has anger issues, got promoted.  A guy who's been here about 8 years, who receives a promotion about every 2 or 3 years (seems normal, I know, but not here) got promoted.  It depends entirely on what department you're in and who you report too.

This morning I battled feelings of inferiority, uselessness, and the the vision of the mountain of unprofessional decisions I made through the years.  I never had a career path, I've had so many different jobs and I didn't pursue my passion, not sure what that really was.  I wanted to write, but was turned off by journalism, I think the reality was I didn't know how to get into it.; I was definitely turned off by the advertising PR world when I interned in an office once.  I didn't know how to pursue anything like that.  So I went into social work, restaurant management, real estate appraising, gym sales, retail management.  Great path!  Once I moved to CA, I stuck with what I'm doing now.  I was definitely a gypsy, I never worried about the next job, I liked being free from the rat race.  Not so great now.  I feel old, as younger people get promoted.

I feel better now, I keep telling myself, I'm the same person I was before the promotions were announced, I have a sure sense of myself and what I want and how I'd still like to be out of the corporate rat race and am working towards that goal.  It's a big world and I want to travel.  My debts will be paid in a few years, I can earn less, I won't have to work constantly...I have to keep my dreams alive.  I have a lot and I can read that is inspiring about people who do lead different types of lives who aren't chained to the 40 hour work force their whole lives.  Must stay positive.

I'm still at work waiting on my IT friend to finish installing something on a VP's laptop, of course that request came in at 5pm on Friday.  That's just not nice.  We're going to get a drink and gossip and laugh.

This weekend, I am plunging in with renewed vigor on the job search, contacts, etc.  Put actions out there so there will be returns.  Meditate, eat good (Iall the edible leftovers are finally finished, as I did a number on the lasagna last night).

I was supposed to have a date with someone this weekend but he had to postpone due to a family friend emergency that he is on call to help care for.  Will write about all that later.  Should be possible next weekend.  I'm just trying extremely hard not to say no. 


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October 2011

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