(no subject)

This week the driver's license quest continued with roller coaster emotions and epic failures and success.

But first, the most significant and symbolic event I can remember in a long time presented itself – On Monday, I saw a bear on the side of 240 West just outside of Asheville after I had dropped Zia off at daycare. A bear!

I've only seen a cub in Yosemite once at a distance. This was a stout youngster rooting around at the bottom of a wooded hill. I was euphoric.

When I got home, I looked up the symbolism. The bear represents intuition, introspection, and instinct. They disappear for their spiritual sleep and wake to the sun, jubilant, smaller in body, and greater in spirit, which can be likened to releasing worldly goods and possessions, beginning again, a fresh start.

I am a bear. I chose to move in winter, settle in, and be here when spring first whispers and sings. I got rid of many worldly goods to downsize, including letting go of my marriage, and am embracing a more minimalist approach to everything which is empowering -(and cheaper). I chose the bear for my totem. A freaking bear! It made me so happy!

Tuesday, I got up early, dropped Zia at daycare and drove back to Marshall to get my license. I arrived about 8:45, prepared to wait, almonds in my purse, determination in my heart. The ten or so us waiting chatted about the horrors of Asheville DMV and the pleasantness of waiting here instead.

About two hours later it was my turn. I sat down and took out all my documentation only to learn I needed two forms of government ID, I didn’t have my SS card in my wallet. I was devastated. There was no way I was getting it today.

I came out and told my fellow pilgrims I didn’t have what I needed. Their empathy was balm. But I confess I still shed a few furious tears on the drive back.

Once home, I gathered my SS card, and also my passport and birth certificate and put all in my purse. There would be no more failures. But would there? Could I trust myself?

I had an idea that I would go to Asheville DMV in the afternoon once the morning crowd had been taken care of. How bad could it be?

Bad. I got there about 2. Out of 11 stations, only two were servicing people. There were at least 35 people sitting waiting and 15 people in line. Some had been there four hours.

I waited in line for 10 minutes to get some information. I can’t imagine how this man could stand the job. The big, cold, and gray room had the atmosphere of a prison, a grim dungeon where hopes die. I asked if I could make an appointment, he said there was availability in mid April. Six weeks from now.

It really felt like one of those maddening dreams where you don’t have what you need however hard you try, whatever feats you perform, and feels like life and death, trying and failing.  I politely declined. I had updated my insurance from one state to another, so I needed a license soon. Can anyone wait six weeks?

And so Wednesday dawned. I had far less spring in my steps, and Bear in my heart, but I repeated the steps and arrived again in Marshall. Waited two hours again. Nice people in the waiting room again. And I got my license, after four attempts, two headaches, one upset stomach, and too many tears.

I can’t imagine having a job and having to take a whole day or two off, or going in with small kids, both of which I witnessed. Asheville’s Achilles heel, is the DMV.

I’ve fought the battle; it’s definitely an ice breaker here, to talk about with people and compare our scars.

Winter’s almost over though, this bear made it.