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Yesterday morning I got my teeth pulled and a bone graft. The whole experience left me figuratively and literally queasy. Is it because of insurance costs that when they knock you out for a procedure that takes less than an hour, you don't get to recover and come back gently for an hour or two in the office? I don't remember leaving the office. I do remember my friend sitting me on the stairs while she parked the car and then I guess she walked me up here. I was very nauseous for the rest of the day and night which was worse than the pain of the stitches. It seems like a very inhumane way to treat people. The dental assistant did call me about an hour after I was home and was helpful, but to be completely out of control, blacked out and walking around is horrifying to me. I just emailed my friend a thank you and an explanation, I sort of cringe wondering how I was to get home. It's kind of like trying to recall just exactly what happened after a night of a whole lotta drinking and not being able to fill in the details, you keep telling yourself it can't be that bad, but you don't know until you check in with all your friends who were there. You never get the whole picture thought. I don't miss those days!

I have a horrible hangover from the drugs and think I can get by with regular ibuprofen for the most part. My face is swollen and my mouth is crooked, but not too bad.

This morning I spoke with my mom who is trying so hard but we kind of got into it over my sister. She said something like, she's sorry I feel that way about her, she is a caring person, etc. She even said something how she didn't see the controlling side of sis. I kind of laughed. The older she gets, the simpler things get. I said, well that's you, the rest of the family sees it.

How do you explain all that to your mom? I can't tell her everything sis said to me, but I told her a couple of things and I mainly just said, it's wrong to constantly tell another person what they should do, it's disrespectful, she never was able to understand my state of mind. I also said I didn't want to be in this position of defending and explain this, but now I have to because of the earlier than I wanted, telling. I guess sis told my dad that she wanted me to move from Oakland cause it's so dangerous. I said that's the exact thing I didn't want to happen. If dad wants to talk to me about the situation, he can, but please do not talk to sis, because she is the person who knows the least about what happened, the least about where I live and the least about me. Sure my parents said they want to stay with me, but they have elder sister telling them how dangerous it is where I live. I can picture my dad absorbing this and bringing it up to me when he's here. I told my mom this and said, he cannot do that while he's here. My mom said something about it being awkward when they were here in CA and if they'd see me much and I said it would be awkward when I was at sis's house at Christmas but that's the way it was. I said these visits were always planned by sis, there have always been awkward times, like when I've gone places with them in the past, she won't pick me up, she makes me meet them there or drive to her place even as she passes my way, etc. Mom just conveniently forgets. And the Yosemite thing 2 years ago....grrrr.

On a better note... I find the movies I "discover" on regular tv take on a spiritual significance as if I'm meant to see this movie at this exact moment and I am reminded or learn anew some of the truths the director was aiming for. (makes it more fun). Last night was a very long night and what do I find, but Thelma and Louise. Oh lovely beautiful oracles beaming at me at 3am. Plus it's a visually stunning film. I found a tiny clip of the lines I love best, I wish it started a little earlier, but that's ok.