not a good day

[openscarf]

I got in trouble at work today. I displayed frustration and wasn't professional in an email to a vendor; they complained, they demanded that they don't have to deal with me anymore; it went literally to the top of the company and I got a serious talking to, I thought I was being fired. I knew yesterday after I wrote it, that I fucked up. This isn't the first time I've been spoken to about my tone, whether verbal or in writing. I got heated and didn't stop emailing. (smack forehead)

NEVER MIND the back story. Where I work, it doesn't matter at all, nada. No matter that this vendor had our liquor license in jeopardy by being non-compliant, never mind that I spent a week helping them, so we could pay them. Never mind that they were unprofessional, rude and dense. Never mind that I discovered the issue, never mind that they didn't alert us to it. Never mind the hundreds of people I communicate with in a week that it's all good, I'm so helpful. Forget the $600K I was able to recover, it's not relevant. No matter. At all. I let anger out. I fucked up. I mean, my manager was incredulous. I felt like crap.

I sucked it up, I mean, I was rude, no excuses, BUT the way my manager's manager talked to me was brutal. I thought I was getting fired. I'm not sure I'm not, to be honest. It was horrible. I owned it. I apologized. I wrote out things I need to do, which I really do need to do to survive corporate America and earn a paycheck.

1. Do not write to the same person more than 2 or 3 times in one day. Let things slide. Care less.
2. Write in very short sentences, fragments if necessary.
3. Do not attempt or ever think I am educating anyone.
4. Do not keep Outlook up all day. Go in every hour or so, then shut it down.
5. Even though most of my work takes place communicating via email, dive into other projects, find them, invent them, research, etc.

I called my mom when I got home cause I wanted to cry. And because we are alike. We get frazzled, we don't let things slide, our words can bite, we're emotional, we're not political, we don't know how to negotiate very well. We're usually right, but have trouble communicating with certain types. We had an awesome talk. I feel better. Thanks Mom.

I'm trying to not keep things inside too much, like I always have.

I'm still crying a little, but it feels softening, healing.

I need my job.

I am exploring free lance opportunites, but I'm at the beginning of that road.

Please comment LJ friends. :-)

Comments

[sharpchick.livejournal.com]

I can empathize.

I discovered that a social worker had inappropriately discharged a client from services, leaving him without medication, and had lied about him in case notes.

After consulting with my legal supervisor, I filed a complaint against the social worker with her supervisor and asked for appropriate disciplinary action.

The social worker complained to my ED, and I was written up and placed on probation for 90 days. I grieved my own disciplinary action, and even though the findings were reversed, I am still on probation, because the ED "has a sense" that my conduct was unprofessional. No word about how the problem will be resolved for the client, although I did find him other services, so he does have access to his meds now.

The thing that strikes me the most about both of our situations, and which was the crux of my own employee grievance, is that you don't operate a business on emotion. You rely on facts.

In my case, it appears that emotion is more important than abuse of clients. In yours, it seems that it is more important than $600K.

[openscarf.livejournal.com]

It seems to me that the disciplinary actions are meant to humiliate rather than guide. They're childish. In what world does it make any sense that although the findings were reversed, you were still indicted and punished? Thank you for sharing that with me, the commonality helps tremendously. What happens at the end of the 90 days?

[sharpchick.livejournal.com]

Nothing.

I asked the same question myself.

She looked at me cluelessly and said, "Why should anything change? I don't want you to change a thing. You get excellent results for our clients."

What she didn't say is that for five years running, she has gotten national kudos for my team's work, and our agency has been a "go-to" agency for our counterparts in other states.

I frequently liken my work experience to staying in a bad marriage for the sake of the kids - in my case, it's staying in a bad work situation for the sake of the clients, who are people with disabilities who have been abused/neglected/exploited in some fashion.

But I am also aware - and have discussed with my therapist - that it must be a sign of at least some kind of dysfunction in me that I have been going at this for nearly 20 years. Probably some degree of stubbornness at this point - I am younger than she is, so maybe I'll outlive her.

You gotta find the humor in some of this shit to get through it. ;)

[mollys-home.livejournal.com]

I had the same problem as you do for years. And I DID lose a job because of it. That's when I made a firm effort to knock it off. I found that if I read applicable statements to myself each morning that in time it helps one to pull the necessary statement to the surface of the mind when needed. For me the statements were:
-The thing you focus on will be the thing that expands.
-Everyone has a conditioning background of their own. I will let them be them. I don't have to control or change anyone.
-I don't deserve to be upset whenever my version of what should be does not happen.
-If you change your own steps, the dance can't continue in the same pattern.
-Detachment shows how much you care about yourself and you deserve that care. Detach out of love for you
-With each step in life, I can move closer to my goals or a step further away from them. I don't deserve to travel backwards. I deserve to take the good steps.
-There's a right and a wrong step to take or reaction to make. Take the step you know to be right even if you are not completely into it.

This really helped me. Take what you want and leave the rest.
I hope everything at work will be okay.

[openscarf.livejournal.com]

Those statements are great. I'm adding them to my arsenal. That's a wonderful definition of detachment; it's what I really want to do and be.

So far so good, will be taking a walk with my immediate supervisor in a bit to 'check in.'

thank you again.

It Doesn't Matter

[dadadadio.livejournal.com]

When I read this, and the replies, I thought I was reading something I could have written. I have dealt with this problem my entire professional life. We have a new saying at work, three words you used that apply here.

It doesn't matter.

As Sharpie said, a business should rely on facts to set it's course.

When an incompetent vendor, customer, or colleague screws up we shouldn't react poorly but if we do, the facts should set the record straight. They should at least understand what the catalyst was for our action. Instead, the incompetent covers their mistake by making an issue of how we handled it.

I'm guilty as charged. There's a saying here and at my previous place of employment. "Don't let Don talk to the customers. He says what he thinks."

Honesty is not the best policy.

Molly mentioned her detachment. That's where 'It doesn't matter' comes in. When something bad happens here and I have no control over my job because someone else screwed up, I don't get uptight like I once did.

I say "It doesn't matter" and do what I must to fix the problem.

Being angry at that person doesn't help. The Bossman will do nothing to fix the root cause. No one will know what really happened because they're all floating around aimlessly like that plastic bag in American Beauty.

The more we care about our jobs and the results of our efforts, the more likely it is we'll have these episodes. The slackers never get upset. They don't care, and it doesn't matter. They get paid just as we do. So why do we care so much that we get in trouble?

I understand what you're going through. I believe you, I, and our LJ friends are birds of a feather.

I'll write to you about that writing thing another time.

Re: It Doesn't Matter

[openscarf.livejournal.com]

"No one will know what really happened because they're all floating around aimlessly like that plastic bag in American Beauty." Awesome!

Yup. The manager that tore me down has worked with me for one month, and very little at that. He doesn't have any idea what I do.

Every word you wrote, I was saying, yes, yes, yes.

I never noticed until you said it, that slackers never get upset. That is the truest statement. It's amazing in it's simplicity and strategy for work.

I'm so glad we are of the same feather. Before I read this I felt so freakish and alone, now as I said, I'm honored and thrilled and tickeled to be in your company.

Thank you for your support and understanding.

Re: It Doesn't Matter

[dadadadio.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

Look around your workplace. You'll be able to readily identify the people who give an honest effort every day. They care about their job. These are the souls you should associate with if you happen to hang out with co-workers during breaks or after hours.

Leave the slackers and incompetents to themselves. Even if they're nice people they give you so much grief you're better off not knowing them beyond the duties of your job.

That is how I've approached every job I've had since I learned 1/3 of the workforce are useless, 1/3 are okay doing their best most days, and 1/3 are the hard workers who get 2/3 of the work done.

I know it sound cynical, but that's my experince after 30+ years in the full time workforce.

thank you

[openscarf.livejournal.com]

Sharpie, Molly and Dadadadio,
I am very honored and grateful and feel tremendously lucky to have such friends as you in this community. It's amazing how palpable you are to me, although we've never met. Your words were the balm I needed today. I won't hear sincere statements like that from anyone I work with and I wouldn't burden anyone with that pressure anyway. The fact that we have all had this experience makes me more and more happy to know you and be a part of this world and fit. I'm going to respond to each post too, but I wanted to say thank you.

Re: thank you

[mollys-home.livejournal.com]

Your words make me smile. I feel the same way about the quality of the communication we share. Thank you.