(no subject)

I was so relieved to get to the end of the work week. I had several normal productive interactions with people directly or indirectly knowledgeable of my great offense. I just acted as if AND wrapped my beautiful scarf of detached yet effective team player-ness around me. I answered what was asked; I provided what was needed; I even made a few funny jokes, and then I let it go. No attachment to the results. Duh.

When I got home yesterday, after a couple routine duties, I rested on my sofa and very literally felt as if I was a piece of the sofa. I honestly couldn't feel where my body ended and the cushy softness began. I didn't move for several hours, except to change the tv channel with the remote. I couldn't read, write, make notes, nothing. My body felt so heavy, yet also just part of the greater whole. I'm sure it was absolute fatigue from carrying my head high and energy up, after the drama, in the crazy environment that is work. Just work. So I honored it and nurtured the absolute inertia.

I went to yoga this morning and was stiffer than normal, again I think, part of the toll. That crap is so bad for your body. Stress, fear, anxiety; really, dis-ease. I hope I have healed it some.

I had an amazing dream, just prior to waking. It's really fuzzy, but the gist is that I was in some sort of contest, a difficult physical feat; I was part of a team, but it was all on me. I was being cheered and encouraged on the sidelines. I had to get inside a tall house or building, there was a little stoop and an overhang and a narrow window above. I had a short stepping ladder that I climbed to the top of and gazed at the hinges on the door and up at the narrow window. I called back to my teammates-am I allowed to remove the door? And they said no, I wasn't. I took a deep breath and jumped and grabbed the overhang and hoisted myself onto that little roof. I knew what I had to do. I began tearing the little window apart-(dream glass didn't cut me) and I planned on hurling, pushing, against all odds, myself through that little opening. I had complete confidence. At that point the alarm went off and as often happens with those types of dreams, I wished I was still in it, to see how I did.

It was super cool though. Very positive I think.