where I am

[openscarf]

For the 3rd time, I'm at the "one week until the hearing" mark.  I'm more used to the feelings that start making themselves known, like cold damp fog creeping in.  Here we go again.

For my insomniac friends, have you noticed the Olympics coverage is on all night?  They repeat prime time coverage through the wee hours.

We're having several days of warm mild weather.  It feels good but strange, it's thrown me off.

I'm  thrown off anyway by everything. Although I"m not surprised, the realization that the place I spent 8 1/2 hours or more 5 days a week for 7 years was just a shadow of a shell, and that almost all the people I interacted with have nothing to do with my life,  is now concrete.  I don't miss any of them, but they did form, however flimsy, a structure that I existed in and am now aware of its absence.  I've chosen to stay out of any similiar structure for a little bit or for as long as I can, it's  what I want;  but it's hard to create a new form out of nothing.  I'll continue on, but I want to say that it's hard.

At the same time, when I met my friend last week for a drink and she walked in, we both had the biggest truest smiles on our faces and I had thoughts like, my friend, she's so beautiful and funny and smart and real.  It was good to see her and be with her, without the shoddy structure.

I was up all night last night.   I laid on the sofa and listened and watched the Olympics and a very interesting story on Google and all that it is.

I've had 3 stories published in the paper.  I'm proud of that and of how they read.  I'm working on some ideas of my own. This enterprise is very flowy, I would like it to be more firm, but its not; it's new right now and I'm flowing...

My eating is off, my sleep is off.  I'm getting a lot of exercise, but I feel fat.  I'm not going to the bikram yoga studio anymore, I'm practicing at home -vinyassa flow- and its opening me up big time.  Twisting and wrenching of the thoracic cavity, where I have a lot old energy to release and physical scar tissue that I hope dissolves.  It feels 'eyes rolling up in the back of my head" good when I do these postures and after.  The physical/emotional release is huge  and can be draining.  But its good. 

The cats are different with me being here all day.  They're more active, more intuitive, more responsive, more affectionate, and yes, more adorable.

It's all different.  Its sort of like when you're travelling and it's been amazing, but it's been weeks or whatever your too long time frame is and you're ready to go home to what's familiar again.  But how I feel now, is that, there is very little that is familiar; there's some, but I feel I"m searching for the trail and then the next one, and where's the subway and I'm not fluent in the language and the food is upsetting my stomach.  Quite the journey.  I'm on it...

Comments

[openscarf.livejournal.com]

Makes sense to me.

I was fascinated by the clown costumes too, especially his. They were chic clowns. The make up was good, nice eyebrows. The fact that he looked like Obama made it even more fun. That ruffle around his neck...

I'm on my laptop all day at home, I'm not that busy-yet, heh, heh! I'll have my phone tho, have iphone, will travel.

[dadadadio.livejournal.com]

That would be confirmation of your tech-nerd status. The iphone is the ultimate badge of geekdom. ;) I don't even have a keyboard on my phone. Texting is a pain and it's only way to get Jeff's attention.

I may go to a phone with a full keypad but I don't need the internet and 1000 online apps.

[openscarf.livejournal.com]

!!GASP, CHOKE, GASP!! ---don't need the internet?!?!

I am the geek, it's always next to me. It's love. ;-)