good

[openscarf]

I'm feeling very open and ready to jump back in.  I've been thinking about why as we get older do we become more afraid of life and what it can bring? The stages of a woman I guess. I became afraid in my mid 30's.  I lost something.  But I've been gaining it back.

 I want to be the cool open spirit I see in my mind, the kind of woman I've always admired.  I want to start taking some cheap trips, open up, shrug it off.  Grow my hair long, wear lots of rings, take pictures and communicate with people.  I want to read and write.  I want to live my life and meet whomever I meet.  It's quite exciting to feel this way.  Guess  I want to be a hippie who shaves her arms and legs and wears some makeup.  My head feels very very clear, eyes open.

I like this.

Comments

[gardengirl1.livejournal.com]

that's awesome. i feel like saying congratulations. ;)

i can totally relate too. i don't think i became afraid in my 30s - or maybe i did in a way - but i've come to realize recently that i've lost my confidence. i know when i last had it, and i know how i lost it, and am a bit angry that one person was able to affect me in such a way, but have little idea as to how to get it back. (now there's a run-on sentence if i've ever seen one!) other than take control of it, i guess. what i mean is, i believe that expectations really impact perception/reality and if i simply start expecting myself to be confident and visualize myself as confident and essentially walk the walk, that it will come back to me.

aside from that complete ramble - i used to call myself a yippie (a hippie and a yuppie). i'm a hippie at heart - at my core - but i also enjoy drinking wine, being clean shaven, and wearing a bit of makeup....

[openscarf.livejournal.com]

Hi, nice to have you back. I appreciate your comments so much. I like how you clarified it better-- by replacing "fear" with "confidence". We do get lost and smaller along the way. As long as we come back, I think the lessons are very valuable. I think getting older makes you freer and I want to be in that group. I agree with your ideas on perceptions, expectaions and reality. While intellectulaly I know its my choice to experience things in a certain way, the fog was very deep. I can see more options now. I think alot has to do with our recent cultural shifts that forced me to see things differently. The great and obvious, is our new president and what he stands for. I was so used to shutting Bush and his policies out, so disappointed in what "we" had become. I felt hopeless. While working for the Obama campaign, I was hopefull, but had NO idea how rejuvenating his becoming president would be. Secondly, the economy has forced me to "see" things more realistically and in a more healthful way. I'm single and rent and live in an expensive place that I love. Shopping was a form of therapy, it does feel good to have new shoes and clothes. But I have cut WAY back and it feels really good as well. The uncertainty of having a job, my current paycheck, what I'll do instead, etc-is while scary, energizing as well. We should question more. Hence the return to the hippie life style for lack of better terminology, I guess. I think so many of us are going through this that the miraculous shift is tangible. I love it. It's challenging...