headache

[openscarf]

On days when I have a headache at work and I don't go home, the day morphs into a hazy alternative reality from my usual day.  I cannot multi-task unless applying pressure to my temples and forehead, while typing, each one handed, counts.  I take breaks and just stop and breathe.  I sip a lot of warm water.  I can't focus on anything complex, so am able to do mundane repetitive work well, if slowly.  I can't solve or analyze a complex problem.  I can feel my facial muscles because I'm holding them differently. I'm not hot and I'm not cold but I feel sticky.  I rotate my neck, do some chair yoga.  Suprisingly, time seems to move quickly; I'm not completely present.  I try to remember what it's like to not have a headache.  I consider over and over just putting my head down, but I don't.  I can feel all my energy working to not let the headache get any worse.  I'm sort of on auto-pilot; slow, heavy, moving through water, autopilot.

When it lifts, usually after about 5 or so hours, my vision still feels a bit unfocused and I'm so mellow, peaceful and relaxed, it's almost a reward.  I feel drugged, nicely so, yet I know I've left the thick muted painful place.

My motivation to not go home today was that I was meeting a friend for dinner and did not want to cancel.  It felt great to sip a glass of wine, talk, eat, so comfortable, and we are new friends.  I would have loved to have a second drink, an Irish coffee, but he didn't want one.  Probably smart, but still...we talked for quite a while after the plates were cleared, bill paid, wine glasses empty...and then it was just time to leave.