openscarf

The sun never came out today, the fog never lifted. I was freezing all day. By mid afternoon, I realized I was wired, edgy and spinning out a bit.

I think it's everything, but I really think it's the hearing coming up.

I hate this sense of waiting. I think I'm waiting for a particular email, a validation, lunch, inspiration, to read the perfect words that will calm me, to write something I love, a good tv show, any snack that I don't have in the house, the sun, sleep, everything, but none of these will change anything I'm still waiting. Its all just filler until Tuesday.

It's freaky, going along thinking I'm doing fairly well for being unemployed, pursuing a dream which feels like bumping into walls in the dark, etc and then this black fog descends, again. It's sneaky, it's my subconcious.

OK you buzz kill, light sucking, life force drainer, sleep stealing son of a bitch, I'm now going on very very low energy, like a lizard or a bear in winter.

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