openscarf

I got up early this morning, which is my new schedule so I can write for about half an hour, but took the morning and last night off, I was too tired. I'm going to get caught up on word count this weekend.

My "novel" is all ready teaching me. Since this is my first attempt at something like this, I made the broadest of outlines and made a list of experiences I've had, so I would have topics to write about each day. The main character is a 'me' in my 30's. I've been able to inject a little fiction in here and there, it's day 5 and I can see patterns now and have ideas where I want to go with it, the fiction part is becoming easier.

As I write and remember and embellish, it's like a spiritual journey looking back on the paths I chose and the guidance that was there (my budding spirituality). I couldn't see the guidance although I was looking for it, it's so interesting.  I can look back both compassionately (I cry when I write sometimes) and objectively to form the scenes.

There's no editing required to do this, my edits are a minimum. My hope at the end is to have a lot of material to then work with, if it seems interesting. How does any writer maintain interest in their own long work? I'll figure that out later I guess.

I had bad sad dreams last night. I'm super emotional right now. I was exhausted yesterday, but went to my 2nd belly dancing class. We had a sub, since the teacher is in Europe. She's a great dancer but didn't have the style of the woman I chose. She didn't have the same energy that resonates so well with me. She taught it a little advanced, I was completely lost once when she was moving a lot, I didn't like her choices in music but I weathered through. In the beginning, you're learning to isolate muscles NEVER used, it takes a lot of energy and you don't see a lot of movement. I like the soreness of these new muscles but I ache today too. I look forward to practicing some of my moves.

Today the Mesherle verdict comes down. "They" are predicting less protest, but I don't believe it. A few months ago when the trial ended, I had one of the worst nights and following days I can remember since the assault. The negative, violent, angry, unhappy, oppressed energy is overwhelming and it sacked me.

I'll be smudging a lot. I have been lately along with my other practices.

I work today. I usually drive home on surface streets to avoid the freeway, but tonight I'll drive on the freeway to avoid driving through downtown. I feel like getting back in bed. I need love myself today and not cry at my desk.