Up in the air

 I was laid off today at 11am.  My position is being eliminated due to blah blah blah. I wish he had inserted the George Clooney, Up in the Air line about how everyone who has ever changed the world (set the world on fire?) has sat where I was sitting now. This is what I unfortunately have been waiting for since they laid the plan in August.  When they switched me to an entry level position, processing invoices that would soon be outsourced to an online company that stores all the documents, pushes the invoices to the particular department, and each department “processes” their invoices online. These are uploaded daily into our AP system.

At the time, they said this would relieve my stress and give me a chance to make new business partners. They wanted me out. When I asked to see the emails to my team that they said had an abrupt tone, I was told they were confidential. Funny, if I wrote them, why couldn’t I see these incriminating documents?  I’ve been through hundreds of emails and I couldn’t find them. And if abrupt tones were really causes for demotions, there would be very very few managers and executives in this place. Then my position was divided between 2 people, however my manager did the bulk of it. The person I “switched” with was promoted to a position she knew nothing about, but she also became the administrator of the online processing company. I knew then, just not when. But of course in the last couple of weeks, I knew it would be this week if at all since it was the last week of the fiscal year.

I started cleaning out my desk a few weeks ago, so it didn’t take longer than 5 minutes for me to pack up and walk out. No, I didn’t say good bye to people. Just the two I ran into. Texted and emailed once I left. Deposited my first check. I’ll get my second one after I sign something or other and mail it in. I had lots of vacation saved up plus my little severance so I’m ok for a few months. I figure at the very least, I’ll be temping soon. These last months, I have fine tuned my budget, I know where every penny goes and I’m pretty frugal, I’m confident I can squeeze by for a while.

I cried when I got home, but that emotion is gone now, for now anyway. Even thought I was expecting it, it's a powerful forceful blow. There are little fears that I’ll lose the few good friends I have there, be lonely and become socially inept and a hermit, but I just have to work to make that not happen.

It’s huge that I don’t have to fake it every day anymore, especially with that manager. A lot of poison, toxicity, garbage, pollution and smog are instantly gone and I get a fresh start at a new life. This last year has been life changing and affirming ; it wouldn’t be complete without a clean break from this company that daily had me feeling confused, betrayed,  hurt  and of no value. I think I handled it well these last several months and today, but now it’s all ready in the past. And I don’t have to do that anymore.