musing

[openscarf]

Ridiculously, my stomach lurched when I saw I had an email from him, him being guy from 15 years ago, someone I conveniently reworked into someone that mattered, successful touring musician, married, sober through AA, and amazingly  I recognized from way back that elusive air, either emptiness or the dam holding back the smoldering emotions?  hah! Little bit of fun email, saw a couple shows, that's it.  "Hi enjoy have a nice day" with a clip from a live performance taken in November.  What the hell does that mean?  He's spamming me?  Great.  I was looking for a little bit of thrill of past flooding into present, mutual spark, flirt, fantasy.  Hard to fantasize over that.