openscarf

I had to refile for unemployment and of course the payoff is based on last year's earnings which were very low, so what I receive after 15% taxes are taken out is tiny. 

Of course I'm paying for my own health care.

I took a big chunk of money from my IRA which doesn't leave much there.  I confess, I'm scared. Especially after they passed the bill yesterday tying the lowering of the debt ceiling to deficit reduction. More jobs are not going to come from this.

CA just implemented a new way of distributing UE benefits, last month. They send you a Bank of America debit card which they automatically load with your weekly benefit. The letter said the card would come three days within receiving the letter, but it has not. I called UE who told me to call BOA who said there is nothing they can do until I activate my card. When I mentioned the letter says the card will arrive within 1-3 days, the customer service person told me, that's just what UE is saying, no one is getting their card that fast.

It turns my stomach that CA is funneling our money through BOA. I bank with a smaller bank. I was wondering about the hassle of getting the money into my bank, apparently you can set something up with BOA to transfer it into your bank automatically. That's good, but BOA has millions of dollars a day to play with now. I'm sure it will take a day or two for the transfer to go through, which gives them more time with the unemployed's money.  Meanwhile, I wait for my debit card.

I wish the bill had failed yesterday. I think we need a big fail. Obama isn't standing up for us any longer. He could have stopped this nonesense from what I read. The debt ceiling did not have to be tied to deficit reduction. He simply gives in and in and in.

I'm really hoping a progressive third party candidate emerges. I have no faith in our Prez. Yes, he's better than a Republican, but not by much at this stage.

The ONE thing this country needs is jobs. And they aren't out there. The corporations are hiring temp workers to do their grunt work (like what I do) or outsourcing. Their enormous tax breaks do nothing to help the economy.

I need to seriously think about moving to a state where employment is possible. It scares and depresses me. I have a few months but then I need to make a decision and a plan.

Hellloooooo Dreamwidth!

I'm sure my first post echos many others here, I come from LJ. The last round of spam attacks LJ suffered the last week or so, made LJ basically unavailable. I still can't post pictures on my LJ.

While I think its pretty cool the Russians have  political journals there, utilizing free speech, poor little  LJ is in no way equipped to deal with the constant attacks against it. They don't have the resources to keep the site up and smooth. 

I've become very reliant on posting and reading my friends journals, it relieves stress, amuses me, teaches me things. I want to post whenever I want. I rarely prepare something then post. It's all live baby. Last week, I really wanted to post and couldn't.

So thank you dadadadio  and sharpchick_2011 for the code.

Much more later.  Peace out.

Today I was ready to start cutting and deconstructing and putting iback together again-my shadowy visions for some of my Burning Man clothes. I got way too much sleep last night, drank a lot of coffee this morning and headed to the craft store where I got some felt to line one of the bra-camis that I' going to embellish with seaglass and shells; eyelet-grommet type thingies for the lace mini I'm going to slash, attach suede, the eyelets and then lace up with suede. I got fabric glue, super-duper embellishing glue, stitch witchery, a small swatch of brown suede and sea and blue green suede laces.

Friends are sending shells, I'm getting apple green seaglass from Hawaii and am bidding on cornflower blue in a couple of days.

The lace mini was supposed to be dyed silver grey. It came out black. I tried to lighten it with bleach and nothing happened. I got a Rit dye lightener and that worked a little. I played around with the dyes I had and got a maroon-ish color; brewed up the pot some more and it's between black and the color the bustier turned, a deep raisin-y color. Balls! I just have to get over that. My little sea motif for that piece is just shot so I'll focus on the Steam and the Punk.

I thought I'd glue the felt into the bra of the top this afternoon after more coffee and just needing to get started. I used the wrong glue and did it on the wrong side. Balls! It came off easily, I washed the top, there are some gluey spots that might peel off when it's dry, if not, it's going to be covered up anyway.

I'm just too eager and my mind is not focused what with needing a job and all and the coffee and the sleep and facebook and ebay. OH, to win on ebay do you have to use snipe? I really don't want to. I can tell last time I was sniped though. There's a free trial but I don't trust free trials.

An email went around today planning our entry into the playa. Last year our spot was saved by a theme camp my campmates were part of and friends with. That theme camp isn't coming this year so we have to secure our own spot.  It sounds like me, the guy and the two women from LA will drive up in a semi caravan and get to the gate at midnight, getting into the playa during daylight sometime Monday. We'll try to stay together and the guy has walkie-talkies if it gets confusing (and I'm sure it will) on the playa as we search for our coveted spot, not too close to the main drag (too noisy) not too far back (hillbilly land), etc.

Next on my my mind is my hair. It used to be long. Several months ago I lightened it and semi-destroyed it, not for the first time. I've been cutting an inch or two off every weekend to seek health. Two weeks ago I got my first real hair-cut in almost 2 years, I wanted it short, I just wanted to hack off the past, the dead stuff, start fresh, look different, etc. I don't really love having short hair, I don't feel as pretty as I do with long hair, but I wanted to not even care and I didn't'. I deplore the job she did at the same time not caring cause it grows. We were aiming for a cut in a picture, long bang, short overall, kind of choppy, Since I had just cut my bangs myself, the look wouldn't come together until my bangs grew out, so this was to be a transitional cut. However. She cut a top layer too short (not good for thick wavy coarse hair), then the bottom isn't shaped, is too long, and she thinned it out rather randomly. I kind of didn't care because I knew I'd be going back in a few weeks once my bangs grew out.

Well, Friday I'm going to my friend's from the previous job whose husband cuts hair, he cares about woman's hair, I think I'll emerge with something better than this shortish cap of waving snakes on my head and hopefully come out with a short edgy style.

I worked on my garden most of the day. We're having warm warm days and lots of sun, which is a very nice change from the heavy rain of last weekend.

Inside I have lemon tree sprigs, bougainvillea, rose and star jasmine sprigs rooting in little pots in zip lock bags. Here's a few pictures of my balcony---

Arial view

I may be one of the last literate humans to figure out ebay, but I have. I've been trolling it for a couple of weeks now for Burning Man stuff.  I bought a skirt for $5 from a woman in the next town so she waived the shipping fee and I met her at a grocery store to pick it up. It was cute in the picture, a corset mini skirt. The top portion is black, down the middle and the skirt part is white and black lacy frilly stuff. The middle section has laces-the corset part. For 5 bucks I thought it would be fine but nothing special. I imagined a kid (20-something) was selling it. It was actually a woman around my age, she seemed totally cool, made me think of a biker chick and the skirt is amazing. Great quality, made in France, has some sparkle to it, it exceeded my expectations by, like, 300 percent. PLUS she added in a bra-top cami type thing that I think I'll be able to embellish with the east coast sea shells two friends are sending me. It will be challenging to find a top to wear with this skirt since the black portion covers the stomach. Hmmm. What...to...do................ ? ;-)

My clothes are really lining up. I went to the big crazy out-of-control swap meet on Sunday and bought 2 purse/pouches I can attach to my belt to make the utility belt. I also have a soft eye-glasses case that will work.

I'm eyeing a coat on ebay, they have tons, so I'm not even tempted to overbid. Plus my friend whom I'm visiting on Saturday, where we're going to drink and set up my tent and chat, has an old fake fur coat she wants to give me. All good.

Each weekend I'm doing something to prepare. I have another piece of clothing I want to dye and cut-up and alter, figure out sleeping bag & pad or air mattress and get one, heavier stakes for the tent, chairs, a cooler...What makes it all exciting and NOT easy is my wonderful but teeny little paycheck from my temp job at the biggest food company in the world.

Sunday nights make me feel like a programmed brainwashed enslaved person. After all these years, I still fight Sunday night but Sunday night always wins. I can eat too much, stay up too late, drink too much, blow off chores, but when Monday morning comes and the alarm goes off, the program kicks right in regardless of  lack of sleep, heavy stomach and the clutter that didn't get cleared.

What if....what if when the Europeans sailed here they were delighted with the way of the Natives? What if they didn't make the land grab? What if this was a nation that treated the earth like our mother, learned to read and observe the natural world, respected medicine and magic and ancestry? I know it wouldn't be a perfect world but it would be a richer world, a world of many dimensions....

I guess humans were programmed to fight and grab and envy and fear. I just really hate Sunday nights. They diminish for me what could be. But I'm here and I will stay up late and I will drink another glass of wine. Fuck 'em.

Today I went to the spiritual encampment at Glen Cove in Vallejo that was started to keep the Native American sacred burial ground from being turned into a city park. The fire has been burning for 47 days. It looks very homespun and humble. It consists of one large teepee, an alter and fire that two men were tending today, a concession area, some signs and one and two-man tents for the people camping there. Little kids ran around playing, women were seated at various spots and about eight men were under a shade shelter next to the teepee sitting around a big drum. I learned the parked RV is used as an office.

( Read more... )

When I got home, I put the feather in one of my plant pots on my fire escape.

Wear bling to bed, why not?
Keep moving, walk, dance, stretch or really go for it.
Write, write, write.
Read, read, read.
Respond to friends.
Reach out to friends.
Meet new people or at least place physical body in new situations and places.
Be curious.
Be compassionate.
Be funny.
Be a good worker where you work, if you work.
Play at work, play with life.
Laugh.
Shake it all off, it's in the past now.

I didn't know Harold Camping, Rapture Fail-guy, bilker, conman, (does 'grifter' fit?) was an Oak Lander until this past week.

I enjoyed the joking all week and everyone I know expressed similar sentiments that once the Rapture folks leave, we'll all have better times here. A Native American friend posted a very cool statement on FB about how it would have been nice to get Paradise back right here on 'mama earth.'

I was still in a little bit of the past yesterday, or fighting a cold or just the pictures in my head, nothing major, just what I've been writing about this past week.  This week, I could see myself  clearly in the car with the lunatic, felt the sadness and humiliation I felt then and in the now, I felt heaps of compassion for that woman, that me. I think it has to be honored somehow, you can't stuff it away 24/7, you can't go numb. Anyway, I've slept a lot, Friday night and yesterday, immediately after the usual errands.

At 6:05, my friend texted me, but by then I was kind of over the whole rapture disaster.  My body was so stiff from non-movement. I was 10 minutes into a yoga practice when there was a big thud or jolt, the cats scattered to the back of the apartment. Nothing swayed, there was no rumble, just a big jolt. I half thought someone dropped something heavy in the building, half wondered. I kept doing yoga. Two seconds later, same friend texted, did I feel that?

Holy shit! How funny was that?  It turned out to be a small 3.6 quake in the east bay. Here at least Mom Earth played a good joke.

I have to think about the Mississippi flooding, the round of murderous tornadoes, the wars known and unknown, people suffering daily from hunger, violence and poverty; this rapture fantasy and hell for the rest of us, couldn't have had much meaning for them.

In fortysomething I found myself over-defending Arnoldo's housekeeper because there was a weird judgmental thread going on. I don't like situations like that. 99 percent of it, we'll never know. He was a known womanizer his whole life. Didn't we all wonder (well to the extent that it crossed our minds) why Maria ever married him? It all came up when he ran for governor here. I figured it was sexual chemistry. Their kids seem awesome. The housekeeper fucked up and now the hell storm is on her. Humans fuck up and mostly do the best they can.

This morning is cool and foggy. I opened my fire-escape door to check the plants, they're all holding their own and the weather has been cool and rainy, so it looks like they're tough enough. I found a clear marble in the forget-me-nots container. Of course I wanted it to be a piece of a meteorite, a particle of a star, something from the universe.  I'm  pretending it is; and its some type of message left to me. One day I found an acorn shell, but no digging. It's nice having life back there. I'd love to have a garden-cam to see what was happening. I can't see it from any window, the window in the door is beveled.

And here comes the sun.

This music and poetry speaks to me beyond the physical level, especially today. Which is now a day of alchemy for me, but really, isn't every moment if we just 'don't go back to sleep?' We need our reminder days I guess. As we get older we get more of them I think. That sounds right to me, less stuff and hot air coming out of our mouths and more days that make me remember what is real.

A part of me wishes I could stay home and write and dance and stare at the trees and the clouds and sun chasing each other in the sky, but I think the challenge is finding the magic and sacred in the everyday because it's there, we just have to see it. Let the bullshit roll where it may and stay true to that source of light deep inside our bellies.



Some of my LJ friends have left who walked me with me on my weird, scary and magical trip,  I have some new friends and happy journeys to all and love to all.